Founding Statement

Good morning, beautiful readers, this is a blog about my path to accepting myself and loving my body just the way it looks. The name of the blog, Love My Body Love Myself might seem a bit self centered... Like I already love my body so much (and it's so irresistible), that I can't help but love myself. The truth is, this title is more wishful thinking than a reality, for now. Hopefully, in some time I will be able to really love my body and love myself. Let me make one thing clear: I don't think that the only way of loving myself is through being satisfied with my physical appearance, no way. I'm happy with the fact that I'm a fully-functional individual, with a great family, a loving boyfriend and several intellectual achievements; however, the nagging "body issue" is here, no matter what I weigh, what I'm wearing or who tells me that I look good... It just doesn't go away.

The battle with my body began when I was around 12, a time when a lot of girls develop issues with their appearance. I had just entered puberty, my parents were separating, a lived practically alone with two abusive older brothers (we're really close now and love one another to pieces) and well, I gained about 25 lbs in a period of 6 to 8 months. Keep in mind, beautiful reader, that I also grew about 15 inches during that period. Of course, I suddenly found myself with boobs, thighs and hips that had not been there a few months before. What the hell??? Like for many other people, my parents played a big role in making me incredibly self conscious of my body: they just didn't want a fat daughter... That was the end of it. My mom used to control my portions, put me on diets and make me exercise. My dad just looked at me disapprovingly... Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. They have been wonderful companions: always present in a discreet way; they've been supporting of all my endeavors and I couldn't have asked for a better family, in general. They were, when I was 12, going through their own issues and were suffering quite a bit. I don't blame them anymore; I'm just telling you what happened. Anyway, as stubborn and rebellious as I am, I just went against everything my parents told me about losing weight and I sneaked food all over the place, I ate three, four, five whole meals throughout the day; when I got a car at 16, I would go to the supermarket and spend my allowance on food, which I would eat inside the car, etc., etc., you know the drill.

By the time I turned 18, I was a bit overweight, not too much. I guess my guilt about my parents' preoccupations, and certainly about how I looked, got the best of my rebelliousness, and didn't allow me to become too terribly heavy, which I'm thankful for. I was never obese and I'm not obese now, but I have never felt good about how I look. Last year I lost about 20 lbs and I thought it was going to translate into incredible happiness. I've hardly ever been so miserable as during those days. I was eating 1,300 calories and exercising about 90 minutes a day. Oh! And I was vegan, mind you... Yes, lots of weight loss, lots of obsession, lots of suffering thinking that I would gain the weight back. Guess what happened? I did gain it back, of course I did! More misery ensued while I kept trying to "get back on track" unsuccessfully.

Now, I've realized that I'm healthy: still a vegetarian, but no longer a vegan (I have deep respect for veganism and for those who practice it. For me it is just too related to my food obsession, so I rather abstain from meat, while eating dairy and eggs), I haven't been able to really get back to exercising as much as I'd like, but I'm active and feel I have a better relationship with food, but not necessarily with my body. This is what this blog is for. I've recently realized how important it is to appreciate the diversity of bodies out there. They come in all sizes, weights and colors.

Enough for now... I didn't realize how difficult it would be to write a blog, so forgive me if this is not particularly entertaining or illuminating. It'll get better over time.

I think you're beautiful, whoever you are...